Sunday, January 16, 2011

bad goodbye

I'm a stuffer. I stuff my emotions. I hate saying goodbyes. I, obviously then, hate emotional goodbyes.

My sister is leaving today for Afghanistan. Her second tour of duty.

I don't want to think about her being there because of a war. I don't want to think that something might happen to her.

I just don't want to think about that at all.

I don't want to say goodbye either.

Like when I was saying goodbye to someone and she said to me "have a nice life", like she was so sure she was never going to see me again.

"Have a nice life."

*

I do have a nice life.

I'm sitting here thinking about bedtime tonight with Wyatt, him sitting on the edge of his bed singing a song to me. Twinkle, tinkle little star.

It will be at least 365 bedtimes before my sister will be sitting with her daughter, just 13 days older then my Wyatt, listening to her daughter sing.

No, I'm not saying goodbye.

I refuse.

11 comments:

Shan said...

Oh, that's rough. My brother was in the Gulf War before had a daughter and it was hard to say goodbye.

I wish I had words of wisdom or something very comforting to offer. All I can say is that I appreciate her sacrifice and you will all be in my heart.

darcie said...

I keep waiting for this to be over...so we can quit saying goodbye...and worrying...and wondering...

Thinking of you & wishing your sister well.

Anonymous said...

That sucks. Stupid fucking war. My BIL has been on two tours and my sister is a tough broad but she HATES it. When they have black-outs in communication because something happened she doesn't sleep til he calls. Your sister will come home. She has to. She has a niece and nephews that need her. And a sister.

Also, please thank her for me for serving our country.

citymouse said...

Oh Beth. It's almost like in those last moments together you try to hug a lifetime of love and hope into your loved one, isn't it? Like somehow you could will your love to encapsulate that person and protect them until you see them again.

Unless things change, Matt is at the halfway mark of his deployment. It's been a long 6 months but knowing we are on the downside gives me something to look forward to.

I will be believing for your sister's safety and for the time passing quickly. Be strong and know that you're in my prayers too.

MommyLisa said...

I will keep her in my prayers.

Hug.

Mandy said...

That really sucks. Praying for all of you and wishing her well.

Liz Mays said...

I have to think of it as see you later, not goodbye. Godspeed for a fast year and a safe return home for your sister!

Unknown said...

I'm so sorry, Beth. I wouldn't say goodbye either. I don't really know what to say, but I am thinking of you and your sister (and her daughter, bless her). Please pass on my family's thanks for serving.

amanda said...

i don't have the right words for this one friend...

thinking of you. and your sister.

Emmy said...

Oh I can't even imagine how hard that would be. How amazing and wondeful that your sister is willing to sacrifice for our country. I too hate saying goodbye, I am good at denial

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Yes, definitely a "see you later" and lots of prayers. I don't know how spouses, parents , siblings, etc, can do it.

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