A candidate

A fine fellow-blogger Marketing Mama has asked me to share something about becoming a surrogate. Since my story took two years to unfold, I will share this story in parts.

In a previous life, I had a job as an Assistant Technical Designer, then a Technical Designer for a Minneapolis-based retailer. On one no-day-in-particular, I was in that special room called the Mother's Room pumping for my then six month-old son. I was holding the cups with one hand and flipping through magazines with the other. (This was before I discovered that lovely hands-free expression bra). I was never prepared enough to bring my own magazines, so I usually just had to settle for what was within tube distance.

A May 2004 issue of Parents came to the top, I flipped though until an article caught my attention. In short, it was about a woman who simply went to a hairstylist, was asked by the stylist as women often are 'if she had any children?'. This question brought emotion as the woman discussed the trials they have gone through to try and have a baby. By the end of the discussion, the hairstylist decided that she wanted to have a baby for this woman , a woman she just met. She said "Nine months isn't a long time to give a gift like that."

That was it. That sentence became my mantra. I knew that I wanted to be a surrogate. I knew that I could make a change in this world by giving the world this little human being.

I started researching surrogacy immediately. I found a website for what seemed to be the biggest and best surrogacy agency in the nation and quickly asked for an application. The three questions that all agencies will ask were asked: are you under 35 years of age? are you married? have you had child(ren) of your own? In my experience, you must answer 'yes' to all three. With my 'yes'es, the application was promptly mailed.

The application itself was extensive. I had to hand-write answers from all biological questions of myself and my family, to more personal questions about why I wanted to do this, how would I deal with this situation, would my family be supportive. I answered each question as heartfelt as I could. In the end, I was sent a rejection later stating that 'their clients want to have the choice on whether to selectively reduce the number of embryos or not'. I'm Christian, I would not choose to abort a baby/babies under any circumstances. My heart was broken, perhaps surrogacy was not something I could do and keep my values.

Several months had passed, but I found myself talking about this experience with strangers, with anyone who would listen looking for some direction. Ultimately, I decided that if I was still yearning for this experience, it was meant to be part of my plan. I started researching agencies again. I then found an agency in the Minneapolis area. I called before I filled out anything, finding out their position. I was encouraged to fill out an application. I delivered this application in person.

I was accepted. I then began the really long process. I contacted my health insurance provider to make sure their was no surrogacy exclusions. I contacted the hospital to get my ob/gyn records and my labor and delivery records. I contacted my ob/gyn to get tested for countless things they might want surrogates to be tested for; I only remember it being 8 vials of blood total. I contacted the psychologist to schedule a meeting and to take a MMPI.

In the end, I was now a candidate, waiting for the perfect soon-to-be family to look upon my application and just knowing that I was the surrogate that they have been looking and praying for.


Part two