Fate's voice

This the the third part of my surrogacy story, for previous posts click here.


Sometimes fate is quite, as in the magazine sitting in the mother's room waiting for me to discover it, other times fate has a loud voice. The voice came in the form of an Australian accent reaching out through the line with reassurance. The voice belonged to a women named Eleni. She was and still is a wonderful talker; she provided this aura of calm about her. (This calmness will ultimately be the biggest blessing of all, unknown to myself at the time). I'm not sure where Eleni was when this conversation happen, but I remember that I was in my backyard, sitting on blanket in the grass, watching my baby play, knowing that she too wanted nothing more than to be doing the same thing across the world.


Of course, the answer was 'yes'. I wanted nothing more than to be her surrogate, but in my head, as I think in many surrogates, my ideal relationship would be to give birth to a couple that did not yet have children, Eleni already had two. Some people would think, why go to all that trouble to have another child, why not be happy with what you have been blessed with. But then, who was I to decide who should and should not have children. It was not my decision, I knew then that this must be part of their journey to have their children, that our paths are now intertwined.


Eleni and her family had already planned a trip to the states and a transfer (IVF) would be centered around these dates, this meant that we basically needed to start cycling within a month or so. The contracts were to be emailed quickly, my lawyer needed to review these just as quickly, and medication was to be started. It went so quickly that many of the details do slip my mind, I can't quite remember how long it was from our first conversation on the phone to the contracts, to starting meds, but I do remember that everyone considered it 'moving fast' from the agency to the fertility clinic (RE).

There is one question that most people either want to ask me and think
that it's too impolite to, or do ask but of course, add in a general; 'you don't
have to answer if you don't want to. The question is; 'did I get paid to be a
surrogate?'. The answer is, of course. Most surrogates would prefer you call it
compensated as it is then not considered taxable income, it's viewed as
pre-birth child support. How much was I compensated? You can look that up, I'm a very average surrogate.

As I've written previously, I would have loved to have been a surrogate
for a couple that I was friends with at the time, but this didn't happen. I was
fully aware of all that can and sometimes does go wrong with pregnancies. I was
not going to subject my family to these trials without being compensated for, at
this point, strangers. Many surrogates also point out that agencies get money,
REs get money, doctors get money, why not surrogates? To this, I'm not giving
you an answer, just simply a statement from some surrogates.

When the package from the RE clinic arrived, I opened the box and my heart just sunk. The inside contents scared me, there was probably 50 subcutaneous needle,several tiny vials of lupron, a 'sharps' container, a bio-hazard bag, a bottle of estrace tablets, and probably 150 rather large bullet shaped progesterone suppositories. I cried at the thought of intentionally poking myself and I watched the how-to video so many times, my eyes burned.


The first time I gave myself a lupron shot, I broke out in a cold sweat, my vision blurred, I lost my ability to walk and my ears started ringing. I crawled up the steps to get my husband's attention and just laid on the carpet until it went away. I'm embarrassed about that today, they are tiny shots, I think I must of hit a nerve, physically and emotionally. After that day, each shot got better. I took lupron for 14 days. At the same time I started estrace pills. On the day that I got the call, that Eleni's egg retrieval had happened, I started the progesterone suppositories. Lupron was the the worst, but the progesterone suppositories were a very close second. I had to 'use' them twice a day and they leaked, horribly. I had what you can only describe as a 'diaper rash' in the nether region for what seemed like forever.


But that was it. I was suppose to be ready. I sat on a plane on the runway of Toronto's airport from my evening flight from Minneapolis. I looked out the window, thinking that tonight is when I'll be meeting Eleni and her family for the first time, then in the following days, we're hoping to be pregnant with their child. I remember being amazed that my life had brought me to this moment, finally, and scared beyond words.

Part four