Kevin walked (and when I say 'walked', I'm talking about a little peanut of a boy, just barely 1 years old, where walking looked somewhat like a circus act because of his little stature) into my house my first morning of starting child care. I watched him for over three years and to no surprise, Henry and he were best friends.I haven't taken care of Kevin in over three years now. They see each other every month or so for a play date, but that's it, but whose name does Henry write on his Popsicle stick as he decorates it with his Sharpie, Kevin's. KEViN + Henry.
His best friend in Kindergarten is not in his class this year. When Henry sees him at recess, he's thrilled, only his 'best friend' has managed to give him a bloody nose, kicked him in the 'nerds' (as we like to call them here) and refused to play with Henry, 'maybe in a day or so' he tells him. Henry is *still* waiting patiently for him, still calls him his 'school best friend'.
He is amazingly loyal. I love that so much about him.
This week has been tough. For some reason, I've just come to realize that parenting is always going to be hard. I'm not up worrying about my baby's napping schedule or pondering over getting ABC's taught, I'm sitting here with my stomach twisted up, worrying about my first grader. More talk of ADD. More wishing we had a crystal ball wondering if immersion is the right thing. More fretting in getting our other kids in the school if we pull Henry out. More contemplation about moving into the same school district as the school.
Today, I kind of wish that I could go back to that day when Henry and Kevin sat next to each other, high chair to high chair. I wish that I could simply be worried about not getting their lunches too hot.
Being a parent to a first grader can suck as much as being a parent to a newborn, differently suck, be still well... suck, but I can be loyal too; I'm sticking up for Henry, trudging through this unknown academic terrain for him.
I wish I could just make it easy for him, of course, that would only make it easier on me but if he can take a kick in the nerds once in awhile, so can I.
12 comments:
I feel your pain. I am SO there. We're having trouble making academic decisions for Colin right now, too - and sometimes I just wish I could go back to the time when the hardest decision was what to feed him for lunch. We want so badly to make the right decisions for him, and agonize that the choices we make will somehow affect him negatively. It's like, one bad decision and he's done for. Like we've ruined school for him, or inadvertantly deprived him of something important.
I totally get it.
The first 40 years of parenting are the hardest.
The concern and fretting never stop, they just move on to new subjects. Like a life-long whack-a-mole game.
My MIL told me that she now worries MORE about her grandchildren then she did about her own kids. So we all have that to look forward to.
I agonize daily about what to do with The Girl for middle school next year. While I could send her to the same charter school The Boy attends, I don't know if the intense curriculum is something she can handle. The class sizes are supr small, which is great, but will it be enough? I've also looked at Montessori style learning, I've tried to find art based schools... It's heart wrenching trying to decide what will be the best fit for her. I totally understand you fears and frustrations with Henry. Good luck to you! Just know, our great state has so many options!
Awww. This was great.
I think first graders are going to have a hard time focusing, no matter what. Henry wasn't trained to sit still, learn how to do it one way - like it's the only way (it's not, ever, except in math) - and follow the route memorization grind. And that's good. He's creative. Resourceful. He can COMPREHEND things...this is important. He'll catch up with what the stinkin' school wants him to do at some point. All you can do is teach him to be respectful - which you do - and stick up for him - which you're also doing. Just remember that systems are inherently flawed and they're not going to be able to reach everyone in the right way. Don't focus on the grades too much. Just keep educating him and fostering his creativity.
And if it gets too bad up there, move to Decorah. We've got lots of oovy-groovy untraditional school options. And me, of course.
YES PLEASE!!!!
Love you. -A
Sounds like Kevin needs to be kicked in the nerds;). But so wonderful that your son is still kind and forgiving. Yeah I am realizing more and more that baby problems while tiring and hard are easier in a lot of ways.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. One thing I can say as a mom with a boy for whom ADD/ADHD is lowish on the list of problems... it honestly isn't always hard. It gets better, and when it does you have to focus on refreshing yourself and your views of the world and the people in it. It doesn't stay better either (dang it!)... but in my experience, "better" does eventually stay for longer periods. Shoot me an email if you ever want to talk about it.
Hugs,
Shan :+)
My heart has broken for my daughter so many time since she started school. She's loyal, too, and kids that age can be so cruel to each other. I've thought about charter schools (we can't afford private), but she seems happy enough so I'll leave her for now, though I still fret that I'm not making the right decision. I never knew it would be so tough!
it's so hard. all of it. no matter what the age. no matter what the issue.
he's lucky to have you...
it will get better, listen to what Henry is trying to say, keep him smiling and happy with his life. you all are doing a great job.
I get this. Every year so much gets easier.....and other stuff just gets harder.
ugh.
I think every age, every stage, has a different version of difficult.
Hugs to you and your boy -
xoxo
I had this same feeling some time ago about parenting only getting, um, harder as they get older. And today, as G sat at the table refusing to eat squash, I thought, you know, this is the right kind of problem to have right now. Big deal. The kid won't eat squash.
It's the very stuff you're describing that makes me a little woosy. I'll take squash refusal and nursing every ten minutes over that any day.
Hugs for you, mama.
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