Monday, November 2, 2009

so not hot

My husband decided he wanted to go to my cardio kickboxing class at the gym. He was all like 'Am I going to be the only guy?' 'No, there are a few other guys' I responded. I failed to mention that one of the guys is a 70 or 80 year old man, God bless his soul and that the other guy isn't really the man's man type, after all he wears sweatbands (yes, I used the plural) around his head and around his wrists.

The non-man's man missed this class, but God bless his soul was there.

And so, the class starts. I wouldn't say that I'm a pro or anything, but I've bee taking the class for more than a year and I'm pretty good at punching at the pretend and round-housing the worst of my day out.

My husband is not.

The teacher starts some combinations: jab, jab, hook, upper cut... jab, jab, hook, upper cut...

I glance at my husband in the mirror: jab, upper cut, some sort of leg kick, a body spasm...


I see he is starting to sweat, heavily. He's got this look of concentration, visibly straining his forehead muscles.

The class moves on to kicks: right kick to the front, squat, left kick to the back...


Watching my husband in the mirror; he kicks to the front, puts his foot down, kicks to the back, he ends up stuck in this accidental splits.

He is not in one of his most attractive poses. I'm starting to think taking a class together is *not* the hottest idea in the world, after all if I ever want to think about having sex with this man again; this partial split; sweaty, strained face imagine being burned into my head at this moment might not be help in setting the mood.

Then I start taking a look at myself in the mirror; I've been wiping the sweat off my face and rubbing it on my pants, my tank top has these nice sweat stains under each boob because I absolutely fail the pencil test, and my bangs are sticking up in every direction since I have to keep pulling my headband back into place. I start thinking 'I'm not looking so hot myself, maybe he's thinking exactly the same thing: my wife is looking pretty disgusting, I'm never going to be able to have sex with her again.'

Then I remembered...
he's a man.

19 comments:

Emmy said...

Lol! So true. Yes men are definitely different creatures :)

Kristen said...

Oh my goodness!! I. AM. ON. THE. FLOOR!!!!

I think it is awesome you even invited him along! Best of luck removing those images from your head! :)

And happy late birthday friend! Can I tell you just how fabulous you are?? Hope you are reminded of that everyday!! :)

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I love that he went with you. My hubby tried pilates with me once in our own home to never try again.

You're right - men are a different breed and he was probably thinking the opposite of you ;)

Lee said...

I would have been laughing at him!! Good for you for keeping it together and continuing to work out!!

Aryn said...

Poor hub. He doesn't bring the cheerleading background to the kickboxing floor. Now he should make you get out on the single track with him! Where are the lady bug pics? I'll send a bee one or two along soon.
XO -A

Heidi said...

That's why most people do that in the dark. Then it doesn't matter what you remember in daylight.
Yeah, I used to take a Moo Doo Kwan class and I remember the sweaty sexy feeling that you are describing. But hey its not how you look in class, its how you fit into your jeans after class is over. Your husband is a good sport, I tried to get mine to go with me. He told me no way.
I clicked the link to the pencil test, and OUCH! According to that I have saggy boobs but still don't require a bra! Sometimes children take the best out of us right!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA! This is great! It's awesome that he went with you at all!! Does he want to try again?

You're right tho...those not so sexy moments are hard to un-visualize when the time calls for romance ;)

LutherLiz said...

I'm sure he won't mind, assuming he still has control of his limbs after the class.

(My friend could do a variation of the pencil test we thought up - the broomstick test...a very impressive feat).

Tonja +Jere + Kids said...

that was entertaining! lol

amanda said...

sooo very true!!

ps - thanks for the pencil test info :)

RuensOnTheRun said...

Isn't that the truth!!

Unknown said...

I often wish I could drag my husband with me to Jazzercise. It's so not going to happen, but a girl can dream, right?

This was hilarious!

Capital Mom said...

He probably thinks you are in training for sex. :-)

Wisconsin Parent said...

Okay. First of all, I just thought of you BOTH naked - again (thank you previous post about bedspread on fire). I know that class you are talking about. I'm the person on the exercise bike looking in. Trying to be "too cool" for all that coordination. (Hey, if you ever find a "I (heart) Roids!" shirt...I'll totally reimburse.)

Liz Mays said...

LOL, you summed it up with that very last line! He'd take you in all your sweaty goodness, I'm sure!

Marketing Mama said...

That's funny Beth! Hope you both had some great sex that night to make up for it. :)

Mandy said...

LOL Thank you so much for the laugh this morning!!

Thanks also for the well wishes...we sure are ready to have this baby! :)

kristine said...

Fantastic! You never fail to make me laugh. You know, he probably actually thought you were looking pretty hot!

Shan said...

Oh, still laughing here!

Your husband must have the strongest... *forehead* Eh-ver, hahaha.

As for the pencil test... as I'm sure you are aware, I too, would fail it (I know that sounds pervy, but you know what I mean). But the Crayola 64 Crayons with Built-in Sharpener test?! Now THAT I (think I) could pass, haha!

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