It's been 5 years, 15 days and a few hours since I started being a stay-at-home / working-from-home mother (not that's I'm counting or anything). I left my career right after getting a huge raise, like a 15K raise. It didn't even tempt me. I knew that I wanted to be home with Henry, he was 10 months old and he was amazing. It was amazing, being there with him every day and feeling like I wasn't missing out on any one single moment.
Of course, there are moments when I'm wondering where I would be if I hadn't taken this path, if I wouldn't have chosen this. Would I have my own office by now? Would I get to take trips overseas? Would I be making money enough to take family vacations to Mexico, buy clothing from Gymboree?
I'm reminded more every day of the choice I made since having a two year old, a difficult two year old. I find myself thinking about my former life; especially when he screams, especially when he throws things at my head and especially when he prefers to stay in bed for 45 minutes waiting for Dad than I get him out.
Then I'm reminded that he is just two years old and that I will never get this time back. I can work in a job, in an office, commute on an overseas flight in ten or so years, or maybe not. Maybe I will never be able to get my foot back in the door, maybe I'll never get a respectable job again. Maybe this did mess up my life. Maybe I messed up my life.
Of course, there are moments when I'm wondering where I would be if I hadn't taken this path, if I wouldn't have chosen this. Would I have my own office by now? Would I get to take trips overseas? Would I be making money enough to take family vacations to Mexico, buy clothing from Gymboree?
I'm reminded more every day of the choice I made since having a two year old, a difficult two year old. I find myself thinking about my former life; especially when he screams, especially when he throws things at my head and especially when he prefers to stay in bed for 45 minutes waiting for Dad than I get him out.
Then I'm reminded that he is just two years old and that I will never get this time back. I can work in a job, in an office, commute on an overseas flight in ten or so years, or maybe not. Maybe I will never be able to get my foot back in the door, maybe I'll never get a respectable job again. Maybe this did mess up my life. Maybe I messed up my life.
But I'm along for the ride, messy or not.
29 comments:
so true. so beautiful.
here's to a messy beautiful life!
xoxo
I feel the same way! I've probably lost every chance I ever had to have a career instead of a "job" but I will never look back and say it was a mistake.
Amen to our messy lives!
This post left me with tears...I think because I know exactly what you mean...there are days when I take myself back to my working days.
And then I remember that I had bad days there, too.
I'm just happy I've met so many mommas out here in the blog world that feel the exact.same. way. xoxo
Just last week I was thinking all of those thoughts. The what-if questions normally pop into my head when I'm having a bad day with the kids. In the long run, I don't think we will have any regrets.
Messy is often beautiful if you see it from a different perspective. And some days it is both. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could, but I know it would be very messy as well.
I have my "what if" days, too, but looking but at my choices, I think I would rather stay home with my kids. There are so many more rewards than money, even if we don't always see them right away.
I wish I had enough courage to just quit and stay home.
Ah... the temptation. I hear you. So hard to see the weight of value in this underappreciated career that we have. I love the finger painting. And I believe that the work you are doing now is precious beyond anything we can fathom. Love to you!
Yep, some days I just feel like I am being sucked down into a hole and I can't escape. But I KNOW I really don't want to go back to work and I KNOW I want to treasure every moment with my kids (even the suckyish) ones. I just won't get them back and I will forget the bad days when they are older...
And your kids will be forever grateful for this... they might not realize it anytime soon, but some day they will realize how awesome it was to always have mom there.
And yes, two-year-olds can make you question everything about yourself!
Sometimes I wonder if being home with them will matter. If it will make us closer, build the bond. I think it will. I hope it will.
Messy can be so good. I think it has been very beneficial for me to relinquish some control.
I have been questioning this of late. And I didnt even have a "career", I married young, had my kids young.. And now the youngest is 3(I have 4, the oldest is 10), I am thinking of the next step..the one that will bring me a career, a job and not the look when you tell someone yes you are staying home with them
Hopped over from miss andrea
Was just thinking this the other day and I say so what if I screwed up my career life! I have something much more valuable, I am seeing first hand my son grow up, not hearing about it from someone else. It's worth it. :)
Ah, but if you hadn't left that old job, you would never have embarked upon your blogging career. And who knows where that's going to go... Life leads you in the direction you're supposed to head. Just imagine your life one year ago and all that's different this year. And then imagine all that can be different next year. Life is exciting that way - remember to marvel at the past and anticipate the future! XO -A
I have a high maintenance younger child also-- and even still, even though he often causes tons of stress for everyone, I'm glad I'm home with him. You'll never look back in 20 years and think-- I wish I would have worked more.
That was beautiful. I never really had a career, and so many times, I've often wished I did.
I've cried in frustration about my son... I cried in frustration about my job... but I NEVER remember a moment when I cried in pure joy about something that happened at work as I have MANY times with my son-and I had a very intrinsically rewarding job. Nothing compares to the "Lub oooo" and snotty kiss, or the "ni-ni, mum-mum-mummy" that I missed when I had decided to go back to work (thankfully, I came to my senses again!:0)) Embrace the mess!
That's great you are able to stay home. I stayed home with my youngest until she turned two, and then I felt like I was ready to go back to work. I had been working full-time my whole adult lief, but those 2 years were precious to me!
Nobody on their death bed ever said "I should have spent more time at the office."
You have the most respectable job there is in my book! Yes, enjoy the ride (something I need to tell myself every now and again)!
Every one of you has posted something that I have taken to heart.
Thank you!
My 4 y/o will still lay in bed, on the floor, or hide in the closet when she wants daddy to {fill in the blank}, and we both work outside of the home and she is in daycare. My point is you will have those frustrations either way because kids are kids. I tell my wife not to take it to heart and let it be because she will only be 3 yrs, 10 mos, & 20 days old once and tomorrow is a new day and will be different.
I am proud to say that the Anti-Supermom is my wife. I am here to say to her and the world that I am very thankful for the job that she does. The past 5 years and 15 days that she talks about has been a dream come true for me. Growing up I hoped to someday have a family in peace, harmony, and dignity. As a kid I was in a family with hostility, fear, and violence. It is by God's grace that I crossed paths with the Anti-Supermom. She is the rock that our family is built on. With her heart and hard work I now have the family I always hoped for. I am amazed by her everyday and sometimes I get so thankful it chokes me up.
I just wanted to say, from a mom who went back to work when my son was 11 and a half months old... and then again when my daughter was almost five months old, that I would be in shoes like yours. I wonder about how things would have been different for Corey if I'd been able to pull him out of daycare and school and teach him in a way that met his needs. The only part I ever look back on and say, "Thank goodness for the nursery school teacher" is when I think about potty training him. Aside from that, there's not one thing that I couldn't have done better or with more love than what he got.
And what a great husband you have to write such a lovely comment. Hooray for happy lives together!
Like "The woman behind the mask" said, I wish I would have quit and stayed home. My youngest is three. I may lose my job next week, which may actually make me a very happy woman!
Awww, sometimes I have the same thoughts and doubts. Especially when both babies are screaming, the two older kiddos are pulling out each others hair, my house is a disaster and I would give my right ovarie for just 5 minutes ALONE in the bathroom, or have an un-interrupted conversation with an adult.
Then I get a spontaneous butt hug and "Lub you Mommy" and it all seems far more gratifying than the vacations, clothes without stains and adult interaction.
Beth, I admire you for choosing that path. I don't know how you two manage. You must be master budgeters! :-)
We struggle living life on a shoe-string budget anyway. And our shoe strings are double knotted and someone lit them on fire. Uff da.
I wish at least once, every day of my life, that I had the patience, virtue, and funding to be able to do what you do.
Messy or not, it was right for you and I think you'll not have trouble jumping back in, whenever you so decide to do so.
Hugs,
Elly
I'm still working, and we still can't afford to go to Mexico or buy clothes from Gymboree. I wish I had your guts - I'm too scared to stay home.
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