From the moment you wake up in your crib and throw your body down on the mattress because it's me and not Dad until I sing to you in the darkness of bedtime and you respond, 'shut the door', my days are filled with you crying. Crying about wearing pants instead of shorts, crying about me giving you the wrong spoon, crying about ripping your paper towel in half, crying about you spilling food on your shirt, crying about forcing you to wear shoes outside. Every day is punctuated by you breaking down and picking yourself up, only to be repeated some unspecific amount of time.
It would be so much easier if I could hand you off to someone else, someone else to take care of you, someone else to deal with you. I know that there are those that would do anything to be in my shoes, but right now, I'm screaming to be in theirs.
I can write this because I know I will someday delete it, that you will not need to know just how frustrating you are to me at this moment. I can write this because I really do know that I'm a good mother, that I and you will survive this. I can write this because I know that there are other people that are feeling exactly like I do now. Thank God for that.
39 comments:
I love two. I love two. I love two. I hope I survive two...
We've been going through that at our house lately too. Vacation just made it worse. I will say, even with daycare and my full time job, it still sucks some days.
Hang in there. I know its tough, but just hang in there. I can SOOOOOO relate to this.
Oh yes, you are not the only one. It is always my favorite when my daughter starts off the day with a fit.. really makes me want to just get right back in bed, which at times I have.
Oh, Honey! I feel like that EVERY DAY! Thank you for putting it in such a way that doesn't make me feel like a failure and the only one!
You are not alone! I'm with my two all day everyday and I certainly have moments of wanting to rip my hair out. Thanks for sharing and letting us all know that we are definitely not alone! Something about knowing others are going through it that makes you feel better. What's that they say? Misery likes company? Yep indeed!
I had said to another mother once that I was not Supermom and she said to me "All moms are Supermom". I think she's right. We are all Supermoms, you included!
I've had those days, too. I think being a mom is the hardest job ever! It's also very rewarding. We just have to get through the rough patches to see the light.
Hang in there!
Oh, sounds like such a rough patch, and so many of us can relate!
I think all Moms have had days like these...
Right now I'm dealing with my two year old shouting, "MYSELF!" because she wants to do everything herself.
I've always thought that it's worse to keep it bottled up and healthy to let it out. We've all had those impossible moments!
Oh, honey, I know exactly what you mean. Sending you some (((hugs))) and hoping things will start looking brighter.
This is my life. I'm with ya, sista. Hang in there...this too shall pass. :)
((HUGS))
It does get better. They do stop crying, at lest they don't cry 24 hours!
I hope you are able to enjoy a nice adult drink in the evening (this is how I cope ;) )
When my son was 2 1/2 I took him to the doctor and burst into tears saying "I love my kid, but I can't stand to be around him!" I felt so guilty. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and why he wouldn't behave. It's a long story, I won't bore you with it. He is now almost 19 and one of the most kind and compassionate people I know and a joy to be around. Hang in there!
I think you just described what my life is like every single day.
I have those thoughts but have never had the courage to write or say them. Some days are just bad days and you want them to just be over. I always tell myself: this too shall pass but not without some crying from me too! Good luck!
You two huh?!
Why do the cry about a napkin being ripped in half? Will it complete their day to have the whole thing? ARGH!
I'm just glad my babe is easy to get to bed! And that my oldest in in kindergaden!
All my kids do is cry. I so relate.
Oh God Beth, thank you for posting this. After I wrote a similar "theme" in this post: http://www.spotonyourpants.com/2009/09/heart-grow-fonder.html
I got on Facebook and found someone in my high school class for being so proud of his child (who they recommended abortion during pregnancy) for learning to walk at the age of four. And a friend of mine has a nephew who is dying from a rare genetic disorder (and his mom gets about 2 hours of sleep/nigh).
I think this feeling is totally normal. And, maybe in another life our punishment will be reincarnation as preying manti (mantisuses?)
seriously just came on to write this post friend. how bout we hop in the car tomorrow, meet in the middle, say iowa and swap the two for a day?
xoxo
Is the Kool-Aid man doing a backup singing job for you? 'Cuz I definitely hear, "Ooohhhh yeahhhh!" And I'm not even home all the time with my wee bebe and man cub...
This too shall pass...
My kids are on their own now with families of their own. I remember those times when they were younger, it is hard. Sometimes you do need to hand them off to someone. Do not hesitate. I remember when I was so exhausted hardly sleeping. i finally was able to get my 3 yr old to sleep, but my cranky 6 month old would not stop fussing night and day. this particular night I was rocking him, he was crying I was crying the whole time.
Children are hard. You are doing a good job. Let that be your mantra.
Nancy
Did you just enter my brain? Cause I feel the exact same way!
XO
Leigh
One of mine is going through the crying thing and one is going through the stripping naked thing. lol. I just try and laugh and know, this will pass. Then something else will pop up.
Hugs sweetie. Don't delete the entry. Because you never sugarcoat and parenting, especially SAHMing is a tough gig.
You're DEFINITELY not the only one. I want another one so badly but sometimes when he's acting up and talking back, I just want to leave the house! It's good to know I'm not the only one.
Thank you everyone for leaving me a note. I really appreciate every single comment.
There is a release that comes with writing this all out. More breathing, less screaming.
There seems to be a trend today with these little stinkers...err....toddlers.
I can so relate. And, the worst really is the wanting daddy first thing in the morning. I shut the door and leave!
No you are certianly NOT ALONE in your love, dislike relationship with your son. We just went through the terrible two's and are now on the worst terrifiying three's I've ever seen. At least when they're two they have some redeeming quialities, like being cute and cuddly some of the time. But when they're three they just scream back at you in full sentences.
So take comfort in the fact that your feelings are totally normal, and one day he'll grow up to be a teenager, and you'll wish that he was back in his crib and letting you sing to him in the night.
Loving is sometimes the hardest thing we have to do. Cherish the good moments and delete this post quickly so that you don't have to remember the bad feelings you felt last night.
PS-Thanks for letting me feel like a normal human for having the same thoughts and feelings.
oh, i'm so sorry you're going through this right now! i would be frustrated as well and you have every right to vent. this too shall pass... at least I will pray that it does for you.
(((HUGS))) we've all been there sister... sounds like you need a vacation. Or at the very least a couple hours off mommy duty.
Hey Beth, I just found a great clip that you need to go watch. It's embedded in this Post.
It may just be something to make all of us SAHM feel normal.
Hope you are having a better day!
;-)
you are not alone. my peanut whos not even two yet, drives me bonkers, you had the courage to write what alot of us won't. thanks for this!
((((HUGS))))) Beth. I have totally been there, too. Not believing I could make it through one more day at all . . . hard to believe little tiny people can do this to you, isn't it? You are wise, and you know it will get better (it does), but the road there is often long and exhausting.
I usually try to have a glass of wine on days like that :)
Hang in there, b/c one day he will emerge an amazing little person and you will completely forget how difficult he made your life at this age!
Kids can be tough sometimes. My mom used to tell us that she loved us but didn't like us 'right now.' We heard that when my sis and I were in high school. We were nightmares. It's a phase. Actually, it's several phases. Hang in there Beth!
You're such a good mommy, Beth. It's tough, but you can do it.
You forgot crying because I took the banana OUT of the peel (put it back! put it back!).
So been there. done that. Bless your heart for writing this and helping me to know I am not alone in this struggle!
sounds like my 3 yr old..
There have been days where I just try to keep myself and the kids alive. I can't give them anything else because they have already sucked it out of me.
You captured exactly how I feel. Like I should be enjoying this more. Wondering if I should go back to work where I know I would be driven less crazy. But I still would rather be home with them. Even if it means that some days suck and I want to sell them to the gypsies.
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