Wednesday, March 31, 2010

full of fear

It doesn't get any better, maybe it's even worse. 'The' ultrasound is on Friday and I keep thinking about how baby might not be 'perfect' and by perfect I mean just not what we dreamed of, though of course, what we would fully take on as parents, completely and lovingly.

This is my fourth pregnancy and my mind keeps wandering to maybe this time... haven't I already been lucky enough to have three completely beautiful children come into this world. Isn't my luck up?

Pregnancy is full of fear.

I've relaxed in so many ways, that it gets my head spinning; maybe I'm not taking on this pregnancy like I'm suppose to; I sometimes forget to take my prenatal vitamins, I don't eat enough protein, I don't drink enough water...

and why was the baby's heartbeat 120 bpm that one time?

I only have a few more days to see.

Patience and prayers.


Being a mother is full of fear.

30 comments:

Jenn said...

Hang in there momma...I know exactly how you feel, and we were overjoyed to hear everything looked great on our ultrasound. I am confident you will hear great news as well.

citymouse said...

I'm keeping positive thoughts for you guys and keeping you in my prayers. It's tough being a parent.

Carma Sez said...

try and distract yourself til then so you don't stress even more. (easier said than done I know) I'll be thinking of you and praying that your child will be healthy

Bombshell BLISS said...

I've got five perfect, beautiful children. Four is a piece of cake...of course you could end up with twins like I did.

Positive thoughts for you! Prayers too!

Jeanette

Tyne said...

I am with you on that, Beth! For some reason each consecutive pregnancy I was more anxious than the last. The fourth one was a doosy. Looking forward to hearing a great report and will be prayig that God will prepare you for the ultrasound no matter what!

LutherLiz said...

full of fear and full of joy.

I hope that everything will be fine on Friday and will keep you in my prayers. But I know that you will be able to handle the good and the bad. But we are all praying for good as always!

Wisconsin Parent said...

Waiting is the hardest part. You know you are having a girl. Just sayin!

amanda said...

wait a minute you are supposed to be the calm one remember :)

it's normal mama - you know that. doesn't make it any easier, but it's the truth.

praying for a happy and healthy apt on friday!

Unknown said...

Thinking of you and praying for you. I totally get what you mean--and I'm sending as many positive and happy vibes that I can your way.

Love you honey! xo

Unknown said...

Oh Beth...I totally feel for you. I don't know what happens to our pregnant brains but worry is just part of the deal. And it doesn't stop after they come out. I'll be thinking of you and for what it's worth, I'm thinking this baby is gonna look great!!!

Have a Happy Easter....if you do that sorta thing. :-)

Lee

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Being pregnant is scary but so far you're doing a great job! Love you!

Shan said...

Sing it sister! The fear is the one part of pregnancy that I will not miss one bit (and I feel kind of good about this one, so imagine what a wreck I was last time!).

Friday will be here very soon (even sooner for you than for me!), and I'll be sending lots of positive vibes your way. And then I'll be looking forward to hearing the wonderful news when you get back here.

Hugs :+)

Rebecca said...

I can completely relate. You know what my midwives told me? There are documented studies that show increased pregnancy fears with third (and I assume fourth) babies. Mothers all think, "I've been so lucky - my number surely must be up." Your words mirror mine from a few months back and the words of a third-time client I recently supported. She also asked her doctor about the "third baby syndrome" after she had a fearful labor (her first two were as calm as calm can be). Her doctor gave her even more info on the "third baby syndrome," which caused the mother to feel a bit better about all her fears.

I think we are bound to be fearful. We know we are blessed with healthy children and pregnancies and worry that we can't always be so blessed.

So, you are normal. In fact, there is a whole camp of us fearful mamas. Glad you've joined us!

Are you going to share your baby's sex when you find out?

Anonymous said...

I got chills reading this. I'm sure it's hard, but like you said, a few more days. I'll keep positive thoughts and will be eager to read about great news.

Mrs. M said...

Yes it is. Fortunately all the other stuff helps us keep the fear at bay. Most of the time at least. I will be thinking of you on Friday! :)

Betty Bohemian said...

I can't say I know how you feel, being that my boys are adopted. However, I do want to get pregnant within the next year and I am TERRIFIED that 'new baby' will be as difficult as Mason was (he was 3 weeks onld when he came home) and he is still a little monster!! I don't know if I can handle 2 little monsters. With that being said I do know no amount of well wishes will ease a mothers anxiety so i'll just leave it at that

Gettysburg Mom said...

I'm superstitious enough that I figured if I talked out loud about all of my fears, they wouldn't happen.

Third baby Syndrome? I had no idea it had a name, but I totally suffered it with kids 3 & 4.

Hoping you get the 3D Ultrasound. It's always the coolest!

Candi (and Emma, too) said...

Being a mother IS full of fear, and being pregnant is one of the most fearful times of all. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

Praying for your big day today. It is so scary. And, I think those same thoughts at the prospect and idea of a third. Like am I going to push my luck?

I hope you are already breathing a sigh of relief.

Anonymous said...

Writing about your fears is a good thing. Keep writing and thinking good thoughts.
Mary

jen said...

i felt exactly the same way ... like i was playing with the odds. but. he's perfect. and your baby will be too.

tori said...

I said the same thing with all my pregnancies (after the first). I think it's very normal :) Hang in there!!

AiringMyLaundry said...

Good luck with everything.

I always worried while pregnant too.

Heck, I worry about my kids when they are OUT of my uterus as well.

Capital Mom said...

Parenting is all about fear. Giving yourself up and trusting that your kids are going to be okay. Sending a hug.

Katie said...

Thinking of you! I've had the same thoughts, almost feeling greedy to hope for and expect another healthy little one. Hope the ultrasound goes well!

Not Everyones Mama said...

Oh mama! I remember those fears well. I've had 4 perfectly wonderful don't listen to anything I say normal kids.

I will keep you in my thoughts!

Heather of the EO said...

It IS scary. It's going to be OK, it is. Even if it's not. If that makes any sense at all. But I believe it WILL be OK and I pray your worries turn to peace.

Heather

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Shelly

Shan said...

Thinking of you...

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