This past weekend, my brother met his birth mother for the first time. I have three siblings; two older; a brother and sister and a younger sister. My older brother and sister were both adopted at birth. It's never seemed like a strange thing to myself, it's just how our family was put together. We all blend quiet naturally and people have never suspected that one or another didn't come from the same mother and father. We look similar, we've taken on traits of one another, we are family.
I've never grown up on the side of adoption though, I haven't been asked what my family medical history is and not really know, I haven't looked at my dark brown hair and question where it came from. It's always just made sense.
But to me, it's never made sense to worry about that either. Why was it something to bother over, something to fixate on? Why do my siblings care who their birth parents were/are when they have great parents right now?
I didn't get it. Honestly, I don't think I can ever really 'get it'.
But it's just been an amazing story, a simple call and there she was. To have my brother move, by the grace of God, down South. Unknown at the time of his move, he is now about a 1 hour drive away from his birth mother. He has found out that he has three half-sisters.
Just like the three sisters he already has.
This isn't really my story to share, just to say that I understand more when people talk about their roots, where they come from, knowing who made them who they are today.
Today, I'm so grateful for this woman whom I have never met that can look at my brother and call him 'son' because it means he knows.
He just knows.
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21 comments:
How lucky you are to have each other and to be there to support him on this journey!
what a great post. my dad just located his birth mother after 66 years...it wasn't a happy ending. how wonderful for your brother to have loving families on both sides.
Being adopted myself, I can say that my birth mother will never be called 'mom'...ever...nor would I ever allow her to call me her 'daughter'. My 'mommy' is the one who stayed up with me when I was sick...'mom' is the one who kissed me goodnight and sat next to me until I fell asleep. I don't know if it is any different for your brother...but, at least for me, as soon as she called me her daughter, I got really angry. I haven't spoken to her since. I found out where I came from - and was thankful to have loving parents who raised me...they are my rue parents.
~WM
I sometimes wonder if my adopted siblings will ever search out their birth parents when they are grown. For three of them that won't be neccessary since they were adopted when they were a little older.
I'm really happy to hear that meeting his birth mother went so well. Like you said it's hard for us to truly comprehend what that experience means for him.
That is awesome that he has been able to find her.. and yeah it is easy to take some things for granted.
Having three adopted sisters from China I always wonder...and it breaks my heart that there is no record of who their parents are.
I think it's amazing that he moved down there not knowing how close he would be to his birth mom!
Loved this post. xo
what a beautiful story friend.
wow. that's pretty awesome. my mom died when I was not quite 3 - I have no clue where I came from or who I am. it's a strange feeling - though I mostly try and pretend it's just a *story*, the story of me...I do find myself somewhat resentful of it sometimes -
Great post! I'm glad it is good for your brother!
Mine is kind of weird. My mom is my biological mom. My dad adopted me. I don't know who my biological dad is because after my mom divorced her abusive ex-husband and had started dating someone else, he came back and - well, to keep it decent on your blog, he was brutal to her and she's lucky she survived.
I've always been curious though. I've never gotten the test done because I don't know if I could handle knowing that I came from her ex-husband and what he did to her. Like I said though, there's always curiosity regarding the other guy. And the whole medical history thing drives me nuts. I can answer any maternal questions regarding parents and grandparents for myself and my kids, but nothing paternally. I always hope there's not some huge genetic thing on that side that I didn't know about.
Why do I always write whole blog posts in your comments? LOL
This story starts out severe. My sister was raped and became pregnant because of it. She placed the baby for adoption. It was an open adoption and she still receives letters and pictures from the parents. My sister now has two daughters with her husband. I see how they are with their half-brother, and how they're all just *family*, and it always makes me wonder when/if my nieces will meet their sister. Or what it will be like when/if her first daughter finds out she *has* sisters.
Oh, what a happy adventure for your brother! He is lucky to have such a supportive sister - and a willing and receptive mother!
I am always just awestruck when I read things like this. God bless your brother and your family on this new chapter of life :)
I am adopted and always wanted to meet my birth family because I wanted to know who made me - why I was the way I was. I was curious and felt I had an emmense connection with two people I had never met. I met them when I was nineteen. (Like your brother, without knowing it, I moved close to my birth mother. I was living within a few miles of her months before I met her!)
I'm still close with my birth father, and of the four siblings I met, I'm close with two of them (my birth father's sons). My kids call my birth father "Grandpa." We visit him regularly and celebrate family events together.
Still, my birth father is that - my birth father. I call him by his first name, and I carefully draw the distinction between him and my parents. My parents who raised me are, always have been, and always will be, my parents. They are my mom and dad.
I've thought about blogging about my journey, my strange family paths (like how my brother and I shared friends before we knew we were brother and sister), and my odd, odd family tree. (My mom just learned about a sister she never knew she had.) It's compliated though, isn't it?
What a great story. I have a friend who found her birth parents after 40 years. It was quite the happy story.
That is very cool. No surprise at all to me that you would be so accepting of your brother's birth mother.
Wow, this is so neat and so beautiful too. I am so glad that this is your family and that you see the value of this woman who calls him son.
What a fantastic post. Love this.
I can't imagine how strange that would be. After reading the other comments I think, "wow" supermom's family is so positive and well adjusted. I'm so glad its turned out to be a good experience for everyone.
My aunt gave up a baby for adoption fifty years ago when it was not okay for a girl to be a teen mom. She missed her baby for 50 years before she finally got to meet her. That too was a loving, wonderful reunion.
I am also adopted, but my adopted mom always was upfront with me about who my birth mother is--I even know her name.
Apparently papers got mixed up and Mom got the paperwork that was meant to go to birth mother. So, she knew who she was.
Birth mother was only 15 at the time and her reasons for the adoption were obvious. So, I never had that curiosity that most adopted children have, and I had a great Mom, who has since passed away. I still have no urge to contact my birth mother. Although, I am so thankful that she did such a selfless thing by giving me the chance to be happy.
I was looking forward to having my own children, because it was the first time I would see my resemblance in someone else.
Great post, I often forget that I am adopted. One thing that my Mom always used to say to me is that I wasn't 'given up', I was chosen.
Shelly
A wonderful and beautiful story - I am so happy for your brother.
There are so many different strong feelings and opinions about adoption, depending on which side you are on. This post really touched me deeply, as I have a little bit of experience in this area too.
What a good story. I will never be able to fully understand how your brother and other adopted children must have felt growing up. Great post.
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