I'm attempting to decide if we should tell Henry that there isn't a Santa Claus. It feels like I may be taking away a part of his innocence, and Henry is so much my innocent child. In his perfect world, nothing would be better than both teams winning, a glorious tie, where the opponents slap backs and hand out high five mutually.
Smiles across the board.
My little the world is wonderful boy.
He tells us that so and so 'doesn't believe in Santa', but that 'he still does'. Which leads me to believe that he really doesn't, or that he's questioning all of it, or that he doesn't want to disappoint us by not believing any more.
Would I be taking away a part of his innocence by telling him?
Or would I be making him a believer is something bigger, in trusting us, in us telling him that we will always tell him the truth. That he can count on us, no matter.
I feel foolish that I just want one more year of that magic, but more foolish in hoping that Henry would pretend just for us, for one more year, that Santa is real.
If we tell him, are we letting him in on our secret, making it that something special between just he and us?
If we don't tell him yet, are we just being wishful? Him going along with the game until that day that he comes up to us and says he 'no longer believes in Santa Claus'.
That day that could be tomorrow.. or next year, or even possibly, several years down the road.
Answers are welcomed.
24 comments:
I'm struggling with the same exact question. I want to establish trust but I don't want to lose that magical feeling.
How old is he? I'm interested in reading these comments.
Oh lord...I am NOT ready for this! I wanted to go with no santa from the beginning, but my husband and mother say that is just cruel! Good luck!!
I will never, ever, ever forget the day that my Mom explained to me about Santa. We were at the lake, sitting on some steps, and she said, "Ree, you know about Santa. He isn't real in our lives, and we can't see him, but he's with us in spirit. He's in our hearts and always will be." Now she's crying, and I'm crying, and then I asked about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. It was a tough day, but I'll always remember how gentle she was.
Remind of this in three years, okay?
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
we pretended we still knew, even when our parents knew we knew the truth. no hard feelings on either side.
My SIL's family does not do santa, (they still do gifts) which I'm beginning to think might not be so bad???
My parents never had a talk with me about Santa not being real. I figured it out on my own and we had an unspoken mutual agreement that I knew the truth. I pretended to belief for the sake of my younger brother.
My daughter is at the age where I'm not sure if she still believes or not. When she starts to question, I plan on printing out this letter I found because I love how this mom explains Santa to her daughter.
http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa
How funny I came across this post. My 6 year old son asked me this morning if we have a chimney. I told him no. Then he asked how does Santa come in to our house. I can't quite remember what I said, but it was pretty lame. I know it will come up again. What do I say?
I say no don't tell him. Christmas is a magical time of the year. There are more years that he will know there isn't a Santa than not.
I've been thinking about this a lot- I think this will probably be my oldest's last Christmas where he believes.
We are going through the same thing with Lucas! Though it is the Easter bunny for the moment. We just watched the movie Hop and t the end of the movie he said- in front of his siblings of course- Is there really an Easter Bunny or ro you and dad just do a nice thing and hide the baskets in the night? What did I do? Just completely pretended like I didn't hear him and started talking about something else. I think I need to have the talk, when his siblings aren't around.
Pray very hard for the right opportunity, and the wisdom to know what to say. My six-year-old is beginning to be challenged by one friend...I knew when I was in the first or second grade...my husband lasted till fourth and fully expects our kids to do so, too. I shake my head.
Honestly, the big reveal was a big no-drama moment for me. But I think part of that was b/c my parents never had enough money to give us nearly what our classmates got, and so it made a lot of sense to me when I realized my parents were Santa.
I remember well the day my mom told my youngest brother (of five) that there wasn't really a santa. He knew it, but he still talked about santa for years, willing himself to continue believing. There's something so magical and beautiful about the innocence of childhood. I sometimes wish I could go back to that, or at least still have that innocence even with the maturity and knowledge of an adult. Hmm...that's a tough one.
My choice with Corey was to be honest AND to play the game. When he said, "Frankie says there's no Santa. It's just parents leaving gifts for their kids and telling them it's from Santa," I said, "Frankie is right. Kids who don't believe in Santa don't get presents from Santa. Their parents just write Santa's name on the tag."
Hugs to you. That's such a bittersweet time.
PS, When Corey was ready to say that he knew Santa wasn't real, all the other friends were exposed, too... just like Marie's experience.
Oh my mothering heart says lalala they're little forever. And shoosh- not now, not yet.
But my teacher heart, my teacher heart says follow his lead. Just like any other "tough" conversation (sex, drugs, drinking) give information in small, digestible bites, only as much as needed- answer his questions without info dumping.
Good luck.
(And he's still little. So there. :))
I don't have an answer. I struggle with Santa Claus. I don't like lying but I do love their dreams.
oh...how I hate this...
Our girl asked us when she was only FOUR! She didn't really care for all of the 'stand ins' she was seeing - and some little asshat at daycare told her there was no such thing.
I told her the truth, told her that we don't want to ruin it for kids who do believe...and 'If you believe, you receive' - no matter HOW old you are...
Don't tell him!! My darling divalicous daughter is going on 12 and she "still believes". It is truly about keeping the magic alive. She writes a wish list (I "mail" it), she bakes cookies and leaves some milk out (I eat them and leave crumbs) and there's always ONE gift under the tree that is from Santa (I use wrapping paper she's never seen). Its hard work, but so worth it...even if she raises her eyebrow a little.
I think each family is different and what works for one might not work for another. I think when the right time comes you will know it.
why/how do we do this to ourselves. we can rationalize both sides of the argument. and literally drive ourselves crazy.
wish i had your answer for you mama - but like so many other times in this thing called motherhood, i will be following your lead :)
That is SUCH a tough thing to decide on. If you think his comments are his way of hinting that he's ready for the truth, then I'd go ahead with it, but otherwise, another year of magic never hurt anyone!
I have a friend whose son finally asked when he was older and was devistated that he had been a fool standing up for santa because his parents wouldn't lie to him. He was really mad.
I have another friend whose parents told her the story of St. Nick and how that is what the tradition of Santa is and that it is much like celebrating Thanksgiving even though there are no real pilgrims around anymore. She was ok with it.
And finally, I have a friend whose child was wondering about the easter bunny, etc, even GOD!
I think the harder thing is asking the child to keep it a secret from younger kids. Once they know they want to share.
I don't have any amazing answers. Here's my plan I think. I will play with the Santa idea for a while. As he gets a little older, we'll make slips here and there or not play into it as much and he'll figure out on his own he isn't real? That's kind of the way it happened with me - I just slowly realized it - I had suspicions for a long time. And I wasn't ever upset or traumatized or anything. I just grew up. So I hope it works the same? Probably will be opposite experience and all kinds of disaster and trauma in the future, huh? Argh.
Me too. I think we talked about this that Saturday...
Miles has been asking, too.
I don't know. This is tricky. I really like what Galit said.
just let him enjoy of his childhood. whe he grows up he'll realize that santa claus does not really exist. you don't have to tell him. he'll discover it by himself. by that time, it would be easier for him to accept and understand. frugal mom :)
I don't think telling them Santa isn't real, or not telling them, is a trust issue. Heck MY PARENTS pretended Santa stuffed our stockings until my brother and I got married and had other Christmas mornings to attend to....
Santa is the magic, not a person.
Does that help?
Plugging my years. He can not old enough for this. Because I know Grace isn't. ugh.
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