high (flying) hopes

We make lists. We make list for birthdays, for Christmas; if they want something, my husband and I tell them to 'put it on their list'.

So Wyatt sits in the backseat and shouts something about 'when are you going to buy me a propeller hat?'

Naturally, I respond with our standard, 'put it on the list'.

But after a bit of thought, I decided I better make sure he is clear on exactly what a propeller hat is. After all, the boys have been disappointed with expectations from commercials of cars that drive on walls, night vision goggles... We try to offset the overwhelming amount of disappointment they will certainly experience in adulthood with a good dose of reality early on.

So, I casually mention to him 'you know that you can't really fly with a propeller hat.'

He scuffs from the back seat, giving me a big duh and a loud 'I know, Mom!'

I breathe a little sigh of relief,

until I hear Wyatt pipe up, "You can only fly when it's windy."

Dearest 'Student Driver' bumper sticker Drivers

Dearest 'Student Driver' bumper stickers Drivers,

For some reason, I've been lucky enough to have you divinely put in front of my moving vehicle, at the minimum of five times this past week, and I get it... it's summer, you have some spare time between sunbathing in those strings that you call a swimsuit and shopping at Abercrombie.

But, you see, I don't have a lot of spare time between clicking that fifth child in their car seat and getting to point B. See, I have to count on it taking the average amount of time to get to my destination. I do not have in my calculation, of getting from point A to B, the following:

-you going under the posted speed limit (I promise you, you are not going to extra credit from the drivers ed teacher for going under the speed limit).
-you looking to your right and left, then again, then again and possibly one more time for good measure.
-you tapping on your brake and turning (you will soon find it works better to not use both the gas and brake pedals simultaneously).
-you putting on your blinker prematurely and me expecting you to turn in the next day or so (3 blocks is plenty of advanced warning).

So, if you see some mom in a blue minivan with a vein about to pop out of her neck, it's me. If you feel that stare down that I'm giving you, again... me. And if you see me inching closer and closer to your bumper as I patiently wait for you to ease yourself into the intersection, so sorry
(no, not really).

Best of luck in your next step towards adulthood.
Sincerely,
Anti-Supermom

PS- Looking forward to seeing you again next summer when you are sitting on my bumper, talking on your phone and nearly running me and my kids over in the parking lot.

Oh, how quickly you guys grow up... *sigh*.

Because I'm not Scary Mommy

I'm stealing this from Twinsomnia, Little Things That Make Me Stupid Excited, because you should know what's my problem with blogging and commenting of recent. (Note, I'm not getting anything to endorse these things... because I'm not Scary Mommy and so darn stinkin' awesome that even Target will pay for her clothes that her readers get to pick out and she get paid for it, damn her.)

So, first on my list is my S2H activity monitor. I LOVE this watch. The basics are that you get 60 points for 1 hr. of activity. Your watch gives you a code, you redeem this code on the computer and there you have it, 60 points. In the heyday (before it was featured on Amazon), I could earn $5 Amazon dollars every two weeks, now it's more 'expensive' to get certain rewards and it takes a good month to earn $5. There are other prizes out there too, last night I redeem 2000 of my points for a $5 Target gift card. Awesomeness.

So... you want to know what I did with all those Amazon dollars I earned, well, I bought an iPod Touch. I'm probably the only person on the face of this earth that didn't realize how cool this thing is, it's exactly like having an iPhone, minus the phone part and bonus, minus the data plan! I bought my used for $150. Now I can do everything the cool kids do, facebook Instagrams, play Angry Birds, download useless farting sounds... if you have iPhone envy, get a Touch and keep your cheap little cell phone like me.

Third, Old Navy. I hated Old Navy, like passionately. If you might remember, I have a background in retail; buying and design, so I pretty much thought all of their stuff was crap. That was until I walked in this Spring. People, they have some of the cutest kids clothing out there... and sale ranks, hello?! Why didn't I listen to you guys?

And last, don't hate me because I'm going to write this, but I'm stupid excited about my Crocs during the Summer. Not the ugly, full toe covered ones, but the Cleo style. They are way better than wearing slippers, they dry off in minutes and I just feel all summery wearing them.

I've bored you all enough now. I promise to stop browsing over the best flashlight apps soon.

can't quit the nip

I'm done. I'm ready to quit breastfeeding. Edith is 11 months old and I'm just tired. I'm tired of her being handed over to me in the morning, like I'm some sort of pump, 'fill her up, then she''ll be ready to go a few hundred more miles'. I'm done with this feeling like I'm the only one that can put her to bed, that it's only me that she can 'peacefully drift off to sleep' with.

My only problem is that Edy isn't done.

She'll claw on my shirt, she'll start sucking on my shoulders, she'll arch her back in frustration.

And I do, I really do wish that my heart was in it, to keep going.

But it's simply not.

I'm not going to go on about how I'm ready to take back my body, that she's my third child... I've done this all before, that I've lost that 'oh-it's-so-beautiful' feeling.

What I'm feeling is: full of guilt

And of course, I feel selfish; like a shitty mom for wanting to quit on her.

Because I know people that would have breastfed forever if they could, and I can...

I just don't want to.

so... I didn't die

When I signed up for my first 5K race, I thought: what's the worst thing that can happen... I walk it, I suppose, it's not like I'm going to die walking 3 miles. So I jumped on a treadmill, and when I say 'jumped' I mean I stood on a treadmill for the first time in my life and turned the thing on. I proceeded to walk on the treadmill, albeit a fast walk, but a walk, because I never felt like I could actually let go of the bar and start running on it for a few weeks (yes, weeks). The idea of 'running' on the treadmill seemed absolutely crazy.

But then I tried it, I started running.

And that was two and a half years ago.

So, I ran my first 10K this weekend, and I was in the mindset again, what's the worst thing that can happen?

Apparently lack of water stations, humidity and a post race meal of a donut can cause severe cramping, diarrhea, headaches and just plain old suckyness to the rest of your day. So, this is the worst thing that can happen.

But at least I didn't die.

And I didn't walk it either.


*race results, I think I got 17th place for the 30-39 division at a slow 10 mile speed, ugh.

I'm not a helicopter mom

Just in case there was any confusion out there, I'm not a helicopter mom (gasp!). I don't hover above my children wondering if they are eating dirt or sticking each other in the eyeballs (because if they are, one of them will tattle on the other, no question).

So, I just found out about this book called Fifty Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do).Yes, it's a real book. Thanks, Benji!

And then I decided to check on my progress a few off my list:

1) Spend an hour blindfolded. Technically no, I haven't done this, but I *have* wished they were blindfolded and perhaps mouths taped for (at least) an hour on certain days. I'll give myself a partially complete.

2) Deconstruct an appliance. Have you met Henry? Then you are familiar with his closet and his consumption of everything that breaks in our house. Umm, check.

3) Play with fire. See the answer for number 4

4) Throw a spear. Well, if you must know, Henry and Wyatt like to play with flaming spears when we are done roasting marshmallows. I'm not saying that they 'throw' them so much as 'toss' them around... don't judge me.

So, check and check.

5) Super glue your fingers together. Does hot glue count? If so, yes.

6) Lick a 9-volt battery.

Wait. What? Doesn't every parent let their kid do this?

Only 44 more to go!



Original photos published here.

minivans are not party buses

In case you need reminding, minivans are not equivalent to party buses. Even if the middle row seats are taken out, it doesn't mean that everyone should climb into the middle of the van and assume that this will all be just fun and games.

No, middle seats are intended to remain in the minivan. People, especially children, should be seated, buckled and maintain a somber expression on their faces at all time.

And if for some reason, your mother chooses to take the middle row seats out of the car and pretend that, in fact, the minivan is a party bus, remind her about the time when a 10 month old baby rolled right out of the van, onto the gravel road and ended up in the ER with 3 (teeny, tiny) stitches.

Party on?


Umm... no, thank you.


PS - sorry for the little blogging break, I promise to visit soon. This was just *the start* of our little vacation.