Friday, January 2, 2009

picture perfect

Once every six months we pack the children in the van and make a very special trip to Walmart, the magical place where you can capture your child's precious whatever-particular-month-old face for the mere package price of $5.99.

I have yet to frame one of these professional photographs, but for the price I can't resist a little extra push for 'cutest grandchildren' bragging rights. Amazing, along with the 45 million other photographs that you get in this bargain priced package, you get this ginormous 11x13, life-size photograph of your child to take home.

Since it is slightly too freakishly real to size for any of the grandmas to accept, I nearly trashed archived this life-size photo until I realized the potential.

This can finally be my picture perfect little toddler.

Instead of him arching his back in this demon-like action while screaming at me that he is finished eating,


I can have him waiting patiently for me to wipe the oatmeal out of his hair.




Instead of having a child who contorts his body into impossible angles to avoid a diaper change,


I can have a child who has the ability to remain still for the thirty seconds it takes me to change him.


Instead of having a one-year-old that jumps off the couch fully expecting you to catch him the minute you have your back turned, heading for the kitchen,

I have a little boy who can sit there quietly keeping himself busy.


Instead of having a full blown tantrum the minute I pull his hood up over his snow pant/snow boot/mittens/hat/winter ensemble,


I can have a child happy as a clam that he has lost his ability to maneuver.


Oh, a mom can dream...but really, doesn't that sound picture perfect?

162 comments:

Vashey Fam said...

Oh my goodness!!! I want to steal your idea!! In fact, I am taking Wyatt for K-mart photos today! So clever. You're definitely a fun mom!

Wendi said...

You are one smart Mama!
And yes...picture perfect indeed!

Rebecca said...

What do you do when the toddler tears up the picture perfect version of himself? You know he will...

Hilarious post, by the way.

4luvandlife said...

Awesome Beth. I was a laaaaughing.

RuensOnTheRun said...

What a perfect child! Now I know how to convert mine...is that photoshop?

Stephanie said...

ahahahah I love love love this!

kristine said...

You are a riot. You know, Beth, I would love to meet you!

Miss Lisa said...

That is too funny---but someday he will ask 'mommy why did I always wear the same shirt?'

Mandy said...

Freaking awesome. Love it, love it, love it. :)

Marla said...

i LOVE this... and thank you so much for helping me figure out what the hell you are supposed to do with these ginormous photos...

Aracely said...

Picture perfect is right girlie! If he doesn't win the cutest grandchild award, I say the whole thing is fixed!

Swing by my blog when you get a chance, you made a little guest appearance.

Wisconsin Parent said...

Aaaa! Ha ha ha ha! Perfect. My friend Mary once did the same thing with an Arby's Oven Mitt. :-) I am about to have another preying mantis fantasy...a similar type day at the Henning house hold. Only replace Walmart with Toys R Us!

Dennis and Leslie said...

Haha, that's hilarious! Hopped over from your blognemy, Supermommy :)

Kristen said...

That is HYSTERICAL!!! I love it!!! You my dear are just too too funny! :)

Happy New Year friend! I can't wait to continue reading what new antics you come up with! Oh yeah, and MEET you at blogher this year!! Woo hooo!!!

Tyne said...

Fantastic post... you are so witty, and what a well-behaved son you have!

Marketing Mama said...

That was hilarious Beth! And I had no idea K-mart photos were so cheap!

A Crafty Mom said...

LOL - it IS a big freaking picture, lol!! I am so bad, I never even take my kids for photos b/c I'm just too scared, even if it's cheap. I like the flat-baby for diaper change look, I could use that around here :-)

4funboys said...

THAT... is funny, but way to close to home for me.

Corine (@ComplicatedMama) said...

This is the greatest thing ever! So true.. wouldnt it be nice if it were truely that picture perfect?!? ha ha

PS- Ive given you a Blog award. Your blog is so fun, you totally deserve it! :)

Check out my blog for details:

www.complicatedsimplicty.blogspot.com

Shana said...

cracking me up! what a good idea :)

Unknown said...

That was neat! That is a cute picture too.

B said...

And that is worth every penny.

Anonymous said...

This has to be one of my more favorite posts! I swear there are so many days when I just KNOW that my kid is the only one who does things that make me shake my head. And you read another mom going through one of those things here and there. But the fact that I can honestly say Nico does each. single. one. of those things! Well it makes me want to run right out and get his picture taken!

Anonymous said...

This is awesome on so many levels. You are a funny gal. Check your email for mail from me!!!

Krystyn @ Really, Are You Serious? said...

oh, that is absolutely hilarious!

Pollyanna said...

Hysterical! Never thought of it this way. I've got a zillion of these professional photos stashed in a box. Anytime I get that "I wish I still had that sweet little baby" feeling, I could just pull out the cradle and lay one of those cute as a button baby photos inside :)

I'd love to have you drop by my place: Life Makes Me Laugh

Mandy said...

This is great! I followed you over from Cheapskate Mom's featured friend. You have an awesome sense of humor, and I found myself literally laughing out loud, since I can totally relate. I've got 2 boys myself....a 3 year old and a squirmy one year old - both completely rough-and-tumbly as they come!

Megan said...

Oh my gosh!!! Hahahahaha!! Love it!

Allison said...

Congrats on being the SITS FB today! How cool is that?!?

leigh hewett said...

Hilarious!

XO
Leigh

MrsM said...

Don't we all wish that's how it was? LOL. We've been meaning to get the kids' pictures taken FOREVER, but have never gotten around to it...now I might have to just so that I can have some picture perfect children of my own =)

Becky @ Our Sweet Peas said...

Hysterical. I am off to Wal-Mart to get my twin toddlers photographed. :) Oh the fantasies I will have!

B said...

Hilarious! I love your sense of humour :O)

La Belle Mere said...

Ha haaaa.... I love your sense of humour! Very funny post. And your boy is adorable in that pic. The professional pic I mean. ;-)

LBM xxx

Jennifer said...

What a cute post! Is that what people are suppose to do with those huge pictures? Visiting from SITS!

mommakin said...

Just awesome!

(he's darn cute in both pics, though...)

English said...

Who knew Wal-Mart could work such miracles.

Elizabeth D. said...

It's official, I need to go to Wal-Mart now. And not just to make fun of people, but for a real purpose. Thank you for the laugh and happy SITS day!

tinahead81 said...

great post!! lmao!
happy sits day!

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL! Great!!

Astrid in Bristling Acres said...

OMG! Hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!

Pam said...

Your little guy sure is picture perfect! He's adorable.

Congrats on being SITS FB. Enjoy your day in the spotlight!

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Very clever! What a great idea! Both going to Wal-Mart for the bargain pictures AND for using the life-size one in such great ways!

First-time visitor from SITS. Congrats on your SITS day!

Jen said...

thank you for the morning giggle! I live in that spot with my contortionist toddler son! Happy SITS day!!

Jane In The Jungle said...

LOL, that is a good one! Would love it for all 4 of mine and hey, throw in hubby also..perfect world, LOL!!!

Happy SITS day!

Mandy said...

Yay for your SITS day! I love it when people I "know" are the featured blogger. :) Have a great one!!

(PS...I commented on Jan. 2. Loved it then, love it still)

Kathleen @ Measuring My Life said...

Lols - if only!

Mommys Online Garage Sale said...

LOL, wouldn't that be nice to have a happy controllable child all day every day.

Creative Junkie said...

Hey - that's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that fifteen years ago?

Unknown said...

ROFL!
Now I know what to do with my photos!! I just love it!
Congrats on being SITS FB!

Unknown said...

That was hilarious. I never knew what to do with that ginormous picture. Now I do!!

jewelstreet said...

OMG! You are the best thing ever. I love it.

AH said...

I think every mom can relate to this!
Visiting from SITS

Robin said...

so funny.....

Carrie Ella said...

Ah, yes. This is a great substitution for that whole jumping off the sofa thing when you have your back turned!

Cute post!

Stopping by from SITS!

Atlanta said...

lmao! I take pictures of my kids being nice to eachother and hugging or simply NOT killing one another just so I can look at them when they make me want to high tail it outta here because they are drawing blood. =) Happy SITS day girl!

Chanda the Eco-Cheap Mom said...

That was so funny! Thanks for the laugh. What a great way to start my day. I'll be "picturing" this all day!

Happy SITS day!

wendy said...

I often wondered what to do with such large photos! You are quite clever. :)

Happy SITS day!

GreedyGirl said...

Hi www.greedygirlsguide.com checking in from SITS

Too Funny this remind of the 80s Eddie Murphy skit where dances around with the Picture that is now his friend. LOL

tori said...

I'm soooo excited for you to be SITS fb!!!! yeah! congrats! couldn't happen to a nicer blog friend!

Unknown said...

This is hilarious! Those big pictures? Saving them to embarrass my children with at their graduation open house!

Anonymous said...

Oh I don't know... I'd find it kind of creepy if my boys sat perfectly still with a big (albeit adorable - the dimples on your son are so cute!) smile on their faces all the time. I'd probably end up yelling, "Get up, stop smiling and go break something already! You're freaking me out!"

Laura said...

If only that would work (having a toddler act picture perfect).

Jen Feeny said...

OMG LMAO!!!! Excellent post! Congrats on being FB over at SITS!!!!

Bentley Boutique said...

Very creative! I think this would make a great scrapbook page!

Heather said...

I am loving this post! You have hit the proverbial nail right on the head!

Congrats on your SITS day in the sun! Hope you're basking in all that comment love!

KarieK said...

OMG that is genius!! I should do that with my twins....in hopes for the perfection. Happy SITS day!!

Anonymous said...

That is hysterical! Just make sure you don't try to give "him" a bath!

pyjammy pam said...

that's awesome. i love it. taking my kids to walmart portrait studio is now on my agenda. :D

Xazmin said...

Yes...totally perfect! I love it!

Well, that might not work if, like my daughter, you have one who throws a fit for the picture too!

kimcox said...

That is so funny. I need that idea with my 4 year old.

Farmgirl Paints said...

Love it. Now this got a giggle out of me. You are too funny:)

Keri said...

LOL, Now that's using your noggin! If certain people won't cooperate, there's always your vividly hilarious imagination to fall back on. Is that called virtual parenting or have you completely lost it? LOL.. loved your post.

Keri
www.samwich365.com

Lady Mama said...

Haha! Very good idea. There are times when I could use one of those stand-in pictures. My toddler is at the same stage - the tantrum throwing one.

Anonymous said...

You are a clever mommy! Someday, though, he'll be clever too. He'll use the photo to lay on his pillow and bunch the covers all up, so he can sneak out at night! Happy SITS day!

Amy said...

Haha! So funny! If only they could have moments when they were that good. Happy SITS day!

Liz Mays said...

Yes, I do believe you're onto something here! :)

Unknown said...

Happy SITS day! Hahaha... I have a wiggler, I mean, toddler too, and I can so empathize with ya! :)

sweetjeanette said...

ROFL!!!! How great you've found the secret! (giggle)

sweetjeanette.blogspot.com

La Jolla Mom said...

That is seriously so funny, and so true! Happy SITS day!

Housewife Savant said...

This is so clever, crazy-funny and TRUE.
Those bigger than life photos are SCARY, but so useful now that you've opened our eyes...
Thanks for that.

Enjoy your SITS day.

Mar said...

That is hilarious! They just might pipe something into the air ducts at Walmart... ;-)

LinLori said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I love that! I must steal your idea! It would totally freak the husband out, for sure. Awesome post! Happy SITS day!

Mary | Deep South Dish said...

As a grandma, HILarious!

Happy SITS Day!

Helen McGinn said...

ROTFL...love it! Happy SITS Day...now, where do I get three of those?

brokenteepee said...

Aaah, the peace. Aaah the quiet. Aaah, the slight chemical smell. Much better than poop.

Happy SITS day.

Lorie Shewbridge said...

That's just too funny... I always pawned those pictures off on the grandparents who lived out of state. I even framed it with a not-too-expensive frame from Walmart, so they didn't even have to spring for that. But your idea is cooler!! Too bad mine are all grown up and I don't get to have them sit for pics anymore. :-(

Michelle said...

Too funny! I literally laughed out loud at the first picture of his picture in the high chair. A mom can dream, right?

Meg said...

So funny! I nearly spit my coffee out.

Happy SITS Day!

Anonymous said...

Yes that would be outstanding, we all can dream! I actually stopped getting professional pictures. The majority of the time the pictures didnt come out at that great. I regularly take pictures and print the one I like. My entire living room wall is all pics in sepia of different moments in time. I love being able to look back.

The818 said...

Oh, this is too funny! Happy SITS day!

The818 said...

Oh, this is too funny! Happy SITS day!

Anonymous said...

How great is this post, what a wonderful idea. I have yet to get professional photos made of my daughter and she is 2 years old.

mommy4life said...

Thanks for the ginormous laugh! I think my pic perfect toddler would best be served in the carseat, not unbuckling or yelling or kicking the seat. SIGH!

Happy SITS day!

Lifeofkaylen said...

This is so funny!
Your new photo-child is perfect!!

Single Mama NYC said...

As the Mama of a toddler who just turned 2 yesterday, I can ABSOLUTELY relate to this post! LOL!!!

Helene said...

Now that is classic!!! Why didn't I think of that?? It would be nice to be greeted with a huge smile from my child as I change their diapers or attempt to wipe their messy faces after a meal!!!

Savvy Sassy Moms said...

Hi! Great Blog! I love this Post - too funny! I am visiting from SITS, its nice to meet you, I was born and raised in Minnesota (in california now) We moved back for 3 years but my hubby couldn't handle the winter! Have a Anti-Super day!

Leah Rubin said...

I love it-- the Robo-Child! Great invention--

Stopping by from SITS!

Congrats!

Unknown said...

That is such a clever idea!!! LOL Awesome!!!

Keelie said...

Oh--that's good! Happy SITS day!!!

Taylor K said...

LOVE it! I was a nanny for waaaay too long and these photos would have been wonderful. I could have just stuck the prints in their car seats and locked the bad kids in the closet!

N. Angail said...

this is funny. i actually laughed out loud.

Jennifer said...

Love it. Now I know what to do with all of those ginormous pictures I couldn't make myself throw away.

Crafty Girls Workshop said...

I feel a little left out since I don't have children, but I have three dogs, the youngest of which is still a puppy and tends to just bark at random things, like the vaccuum and the rain. Maybe I can take her to Wal-mart for a portrait and just put the picture purfect version sleeping at the foot of my bed instead of waking me up 10 minutes before the alarm to goes off because she wants to play fetch. Cute post. Happy SITS day!

Anna

Scottish lass said...

Genius!
I am sending my kids off to boarding school tomorrow and will parent their pictures instead.
Happy Sits Day!

Pamela M. Kramer - A Renaissance Woman said...

Perfect! I love this featured post from the hood.

Jen said...

I dream of this every day!

Disney said...

This is hilarious. I do the Walmart portraits too!

Anonymous said...

One word: Awesomeness!

Unknown said...

Great post - love the pic perfect version of your son!
Happy SITS FB day!

MariLee Parrish said...

HaHa!! Love this! :-)

said...

This post is freaking beyond clever! Enjoyed it bunches.

Congrats on your SITS feature day!

Alicia said...

oh my gosh that's priceless!!!! i love it!!!! lol....happy sits day, you deserve it!!

Unknown said...

love it, I need to get me one of those perfect babies.

Happy SITS day!

Holly said...

Finally someone has come up with a use for the over-sized portraits... very clever... Happy Sits Day!

Becky @ Babes in Hairland said...

ROFL!! Hilarious! I actually stopped going there for pix & that was part of the reason. I don't have anywhere to put them once I trade them out of the frame. There are no albums that I've found of such great size! Thanks for the good laugh & enjoy your day in the SITS spotlight.

Are You There Mom? said...

So THAT'S what that's for!!! Yes!

Marrdy said...

I'm betting this works with teenagers too!

Pam @ bibbidi-bobbidi-beautiful said...

OMG- that was hilarious! Thanks for the belly laugh, I needed it!

Qtpies7 said...

Haha, cute!

I love the 11x13's! I have a wall that I line them up, all 7 kids, and it is my favorite wall to look at.
But Walmart is rarely offering that size in the packages anymore, which is a bummer for me, so I have to pay extra to get them now that I have all the kids up on the wall in that size.

Anonymous said...

That sounds absolutely perfect. He will just get better and better with each passing year as you upgrade his photos from Wal-Mart! :o)

My best, Lynn

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness this is soooo great! I love this post. And I love the idea of getting pictures done that often. These days people don't take enough pictures of their children and miss great opportunities.

HAPPY SITS DAY!

Jillian said...

hahaha! Love it!!
Happy SITS Day!

Lacie @ Creative Attempts said...

so so so so funny

Mrs. M said...

SUCH a creative post!!!! :-)

Rita Barakat said...

LOL! That was perfect!Love it!

Jessica said...

You should also have him doing some laundry, paying your bills. I mean, while you have him so well-behaved, why not, right??

Andrea said...

That DOES sound picture perfect! I'm on my way to Wal-Mart right now. ;)

Jessica said...

Great Post!! Happy SITS!

lynneb said...

Oh my goodness. Hilarious! I am still laaaughing.

nikki said...

love it.

Chandice said...

Love that post!

CherryBlossomMJ said...

So funny. Hmmm... when should I start these pictures... AppleBlossom is just 5 1/2 wks now... hmmm...

http://cherryblossommj.blogspot.com

So far all of the pictures I have taken of her have been in pleasant peaceful poses, right? Because otherwise I'm holding her and trying to soother her and not the camera. A friend came over and stayed the night when DH went out of town in the first month for a night. A few weeks later she emails me this picture, apparently taken in my sleep. My poor baby's face all contorted and definitely screaming. *sigh* My friend assures me it was a fast picture followed by plenty of snuggles.

Lamonica said...

Very funny blog post. I don't have any kids but I do understand how kids can make changing a diaper so difficult.

Stopping by from SITS

Hannah said...

Funniest post I have seen in a long while. Hilarious.

Congrats on your SITS day!

Mary-Jane said...

Gold. Bahahahaha!

Robbie S. Redmon, LPC said...

Happy SITS Day!

Sandy said...

Someday he's gonna hate you for that!

Unknown said...

Too funny & why didn't I think of that!
Happy SITS day!

Jessica said...

That's too funny! You should pitch that idea to WalMart - tell them to market the jumbo sized portraits that way, and TONS of moms would come flocking their way.

Anonymous said...

Sounds picture perfect to me, tee hee...really cute post!

Jamie :)

Missy said...

Hilariously funny!


Happy SITS day!

Tip-Tops said...

Love. It.

:0)
Lisa

Rebecca said...

LOL - I love it! I so should've tried that with my preschoolers!

Charmaine said...

Great idea! Gotta go find those pictures!

Anonymous said...

So awesome, love it!!

Happy SITS day!

A Fist Full of Dandelions said...

Hum...what do you do when they don't even cooperate for the "Picture Perfect" picture?

Just Lisa said...

LOL! What a great post!

Happy SITS day!

Claudya Martinez said...

Brilliant! I really think you are on to something.

Just A Normal Mom said...

Hilarious! I knew eventually someone would come up with a good idea for those! Now that mine is almost 15, I can have him back as a sweet (and silent) toddler!

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you thought of that but it is SOO very clever. And funny!! I think I will have that vision in my head every time my kids start acting up! I may in fact use those pictures to set at my dinner table instead of the pickys who won't eat my food! GREAT job. Congratulations on your day!!

mamammelloves said...

LOL! That is so funny! I can totally relate to the toddler tantrums...

mommytoalot said...

OMG too funny..
and ya..those huge 11'14 pics
my boys are 15 and 17..and we still have them hiding in drawers ..quite frightening when i come upone them unexpectantly.

Nicole @ WhenDidIBecomeMyMom.com said...

LOL. very funny! stopping by from SITS

Anonymous said...

This is great!!

Patricia said...

and maybe just a wee bit boring.. LOL

Happy SIts day (I know I'm late)
;0)

Unknown said...

That is absolutely hysterical. I love it.

Anonymous said...

Too funny!

Sarah said...

Hilarious! I, too, "archive" those 11x13s. Who actually uses this for anything? It is huge! Thanks for the laugh - here checking out the FB on SITS a few days late!


Mox

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

How cute is that??? Hope you had a fab SITS day!

Ms. Mama said...

lol for reals..

Stopped by from SITS... you need one of those, This blog is saucy buttons!

The thing I love most about this is how similar it is to my life. Sometimes locked in the house with two girls a bit older than your son, I don't realize that anyone else in the world deals with the same wiggles and screams.

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