I remember walking into the psychologist's office wondering if she really wanted me to sit on the couch or to lay down on it, just like, I imagine, everyone deliberates upon entering. What is the protocol with appointments like this? She sat across from me in a chair, scooting it closer to me. I decided to sit.
I had just finished my written test, the one that is suppose to determine if you are nuts or not. Not really, but of course, I felt like every answer would be over analyzed: she lies (like about sending out an email yet or not), she steals (as in taking a pen from the office)... she's no good.
"So", she began, "what do you think will happen after the baby goes home?"
Straight to the point.
I wasn't even pregnant, not even paired with a potential family.
I paused for just a moment and answered "I think the baby will go home and live with their family. It is, after all, their baby. I'm not going to be one of those people that requests weekly updates, or monthly pictures. That just isn't me. I have my family and they will have theirs."
She continued "You're just going to send this baby off into the world and you'll never need communication with them again? That sounds very altruistic of you".
I wondered why she had to use such a big word, couldn't she have said something more like 'nice'. She didn't have to make me feel like I was going to be a surrogate, have a baby and then forget the whole thing.
But that's what I almost did.
My eyes popped open this morning at 2 something and I freaked out. 'I missed it!'. I counted the days in my head; 21, 22, no... it's OK, it's just Wednesday.
It's my surrogate son's birthday. Today, he's 6 years old.
It really isn't something that I want to forget, but it slipped. The ten thousand other things that are going on in my family right now didn't coincide with their family.
But today, I will remember Ari's birthday.
*
I also want to remind you to remember those that struggle with infertility and if you are one of the lucky ones, remember there is always something you can do to help:
offer support.
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12 comments:
What a gift you gave that family. Yes, what you did was altruistic. But the world needs more altruism! You should be so proud :)
I have always wanted to be a surrogate - I loved both of my pregnancies, they were easy, and I would truly love to help someone who hasn't been as fortunate as myself. I applied to be one a few years ago and was turned down, and while I know I could have kept trying, it just felt defeating. Anyway, happy birthday to your special little guy. :)
I didn't know, would never have guessed.
(Why is that?)
I love how you wrote this, and how you left it with the greater good we can all do.
I had no idea either- wasn't reading your blog I guess when you first told about it.
And how incredibly awesome and what an amazing gift you gave that family.
Beautiful. Just, beautiful.
Awww! Great post, B!
this made me smile and get teary eyed all at the same time.
you are without question the most amazing mother i have ever known...
happy "birth" day to you mama!!
xo
Oh I have spent the last little while reading your entire surrogate story! How incredible and love love it! Sounds like we have a lot of similar beliefs when it comes to life.
Happy Birthday, Ari!
Whenever someone brings up surrogacy, I refer them to your blog. I think you're pretty cool. Aside from your altruism, of course.
What a beautiful thing you did! I'd often thought about doing the same, but I've been told to not have any more pregnancies- if I risk it, it'll be for me. Otherwise, it'd be an honor to be on the same team as you. I hope Ari's birth is always a lovely memory for you.
This was a really nice post.
I hope you have a nice day! Very good article, well written and very thought out. I am looking forward to reading more of your posts in the future.free dating sites
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