She is from Quebec so she speaks French at home, yelling at her children in French “Ne me touche pas!” (don't touch); she is an artist, she had her own little studio in the sort of gangster area of Minneapolis and she does cool things like getting a little black tattoo on the back of her neck for her 30th birthday.
Two years ago, I counted on her. She had two children, she had gone down that sibling road already and yes, she was a lot of fun. When I would call her, she'd invite me over but always as an afterthought, like 'yeah, I'm having so-and-so over already, you should come too'. For two years it was always me calling her, not once did she pick up the phone. So last year, I decided to not call her, not put myself out there and wait to see how long it would take for her to call me.
It was 11 months.
She called me last month. I returned her message after stewing about whether to call or not for a week.
I cried, a lot, because I really don't have many friends. I told her how I felt, how friendship is about reciprocation. She told me excuses; I've been traveling, I've been sick, my life is so busy. I told her that we should try to start fresh. She told me she was upset, she would call me 'this weekend'. She hasn't called me back yet, it's been more than a month.
Why am I telling you this? Because I haven't been visiting you, my friends, I haven't reciprocated. I don't have any excuses; my kids aren't sick, I've certainly not been traveling (outside of running to the mini-van in the freezing cold) and I'm not any more busy than usual. I just want to keep blogging fun, not doing it out of responsibility.
I plan on popping over to your houses this weekend, but for now, here I am, phoning it in.
17 comments:
ohmygosh I got a little sad here. To begin with because this totally happened to me and my real life BFF. Now, I'm moving out of state and all of the sudden she cares.
Also, I know what you are feeling. I have been in a total blog rut lately. Well and I have been out of state house hunting so I really have been busy. But I have had time when I wasn't. I don't think there is anything wrong with not visiting everyday. Hell, I had to hack half of my Reader it was just more than I could read and comment on! And I'm starting over for myself! Nothing wrong with that right? Right?
oh friend. i sooo have that "friend". and it does suck. and it does feel totally junior high all over again. so i am sorry.
but just so you know minnesota is one of my favorite places on the planet. so i am willing to move. seriously.
one condition - we must be neighbors.
okay everyone...come to the drunken dinosaur party! (see recent post)
Oh yeah, and I met the coolest gal at Los Gables in Fountain today (Suzie). We made up a new dance called "the karate kid" and they had a big stack of Inspire(d) magazines on the ledge.
Let's rendezvou (maybe I should consult Frenchie) at the purple picnic table under the tallish cedar tree in back!
Why are there people like that out there? I don't get it. Good for you, for being strong and not playing games and being a victim in an unbalanced friendship. I have said this of a few of my friends lately - of course life is hard, we are busy, things are tough - but we are grown ups now and things are HARD. Friendships are HARD and take time, but they are so, so worth it. Worth every second.
So no worries, I totally get it. Sometimes it's just hard to do it all and get to all the blogs and do everything you feel you're "supposed" to do. So don't do it for a while - that's what I do. Shut my laptop off for a couple weeks, come back when I'm ready. Your real friends will be here, reciprocating whenever you need us :-)
(((HUGS)))
Whot!?! I thought you were outside on the couch ;-)
I'll tidy the place up the best I can.
Sometimes I think my real friends are the ones who understand that sometimes it is all I can do to just "phone it in." That being said, there is a fine line between that and always being the initiator. I have been there and it sucks. Don't worry about taking time when you need it though, we are still reading.
So sorry about that! Please do not even worry about not visiting. Do what you feel you need to do. :)
Shake it off girl. I think you're awesome and just getting better.
Awww I'm one of those friends that NEVER calls and I have no reason not to! But I've definitely been on the other side, too! I used to have a friend that never called or made an effort and we eventually just stopped being friends. It's sad but it does happen.
Girl, I know JUST how you feel. I feel the same way - about friends AND my blog. It seems that all of my friends are the same way and well, it has gotten quite sickening. My cousin came over the other night and she was like, "Why don't you go with your girls?" my response was seriously, "What girls?"
I feel for ya babe. I hope you "phone it in" whenever you feel ok to.
I think it was very brave of you to tell her how you felt. You go, as the DH says.
And wow - putting it out into the blog world. Double brave.
Love you, sis.
I HAD a friend like that too - notice past tense verb.
I've been terrible about blogging and visiting this month. Still trying to get myself out of my funk...
I hear ya. I'm in that place, too. Notice I haven't been here for a while? No excuses needed. Not that you were giving any.
Goodness Beth. I could have written this post. Seriously was thinking about it tonight. So sorry to hear about your friend. In my life, I had to realize that this person really actually wasn't my friend. Seriously, sucky though. Just plain sucky!
But let's get to the fabulous stuff. You my lovely dear, look AMAZING in your new profile picture!! I personally hope I might be cool enough to be your friend! :)
Hope you are having a lovely weekend at home with your family!
Aww... we ALL have that friend. I had one friend who did not come to visit me and my new baby until he was 3 months old.
It's okay to be that bloggy friend though. Sometimes it is hard to do every day, for the sheer fact that it can be like a job sometime to visit them, even if you like doing it!
Ooh, I've been bad at reciprocating in the blogosphere lately, too! I'm trying to catch up...
You can always pick up where you left off with blogging, with friendships, not always. It sucks when the other half of a friendship doesn't give back what you put in. As hard as it must have been, it's rad that you were able to step back and not be in that type of friendship anymore. :) [Popping in from SITS]
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