And don't tell me you didn't get it, because you would be lying... there is not one single mom out there that ever knows that they have enough love for another child. When you look at your first-born, your heart fills like a balloon getting blown up in your lungs and you think 'how could I possible be able to take one more breath in?' 'How could it possibly handle one more person?'
I feel that way now.
My poor, middle child.
I feel like I'm giving you the short end of the stick, that there just isn't enough me to go around.
When we sat at the table last night talking about your first day of Kindergarten, Dad asked if Henry was able to find your class okay? You beamed and Henry shrugged and said something like 'it was no big deal, it was the same Kindergarten room that he was in.'
Then Dad looked Henry in the eyes and said that 'It was a big deal. That Wyatt will remember that his big brother took him to his first day of Kindergarten.'
(punch).
Not that I didn't feel that ache already growing in my stomach
as the hours past from the moment of dropping you off at school.
Because, it wasn't me.
I was the one who dropped you off at the front of the school with four 2-year olds in the minivan waiting for me to kiss you goodbye, watching from the open minivan door. It was your brother who took you in, walked you into the classroom and said goodbye.
It's a tough thing to learn at 5-years-old, that life isn't fair, that even in family, things aren't always going to be fair. Being the middle child, you get the remnants of your older brother's. Things aren't the same as they were 3 years ago, and they won't be same 3 years from now either.
But that doesn't make it better.
And it doesn't make me feel better right now.
I just wanted to let you know. That even though I wasn't the one to walk you into that room yesterday morning, for your first day of Kindergarten, I was there.
I held you in my thoughts all day long
.jpg)
6 comments:
ah...I hope his kindy days are wonderful and kind and amazing and filled with fun.
You are doing an amazing job ~ and he knows it, and you know it...even if it's not always easy to see.
xxoo
Oh, how this makes my heart ache.
{Been there, too. Ouch. Just ouch.}
oh dude. i am so sorry.
i wish i had something wise to say that would help take away that pit in your stomach...but i know, from one mama to another, it's next to impossible.
you are the best mama ever.
feel that to your core please...
xo
i LOVED being a middle child!! there were three of us, and it was usually two vs one in arguments. b/c i was in the middle it was always me and my younger sister vs my older brother or me and my older brother vs my younger sister! And i don't remember ever feeling like my parents overlooked me or i was lost in the middle. i'm sure my experience was different than my older brother, but it was still great. i'm sure my parents (mom, really) had to work hard at it....but it sounds like you work overtime to make sure your kids feel loved and valued and special :0)
I haven't been to this step yet (Corey will be 20 and living away from home three years when Mad starts kindergarten), but sometimes I feel like we're losing the fight to give Fynnie every experience that Mad had, or at least something similar enough.
If it helps at all, I didn't take monkey his first day either...and he is my first and only child. I felt and still at times feel a bit guilty. But, sometimes we just have to do what we feel is best for all parties at the time. Had I taken him, it would've been for purely selfish reasons. The end result probably would have been him in tears throwing a fit and the teacher and other students bring introduced way too soon to a side of Monkey they needn't meet yet. My point is this: Although I've only one child and don't know you personally, I feel I can honestly say that Wyatt will have so many memories that he'll treasure. This one day means much more to us as mommies than to them. Take heart.
Post a Comment