November 1st. It's usually sitting somewhere in the back of my head that day. A lingering thought, maybe mentioned in passing or maybe not whispered at all. November 1st, the day that I started running a child care, more importantly to me, the day that I started staying home with my son.
How did I celebrate this passing, 8 years later? By not remembering it all.
It happened and I didn't notice; I just kept plugging away, scrubbing the dried ketchup off the table and sweeping up the graham cracker dust. I only remembered it a week later when I was sticking a sticker on the 'real' calendar after one of Wyatt's gymnastic classes.
It's been eight years.
At finally remembering this date, as always, I start to get bored and daydreamy, thinking about just how 'green the grass on the other side' might be.
And there's a point when I told myself that I would go back to work, 'Probably when Edy starts preschool' I declared looking at her in the infant carrier. It seemed like that would be forever, that somehow I would have my 'fill' of her by then.
Then I was invited to an open house, for preschool, for the one that I would need to sign Edy up for in the next few months... if I were to continue to stay home.
The clash of 'I'm bored with my life' and the self-declaration of preschool being the end has pounded at my heart.
Followed by so, so many questions,..
ones that I'm not sure I'm ready to find answer to.
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6 comments:
And that's why I waited until the baby was in college. I wasn't ready either. ;)
Oh man... I don't think I'll ever be ready. Every time I even consider going back to work, I start getting heart palpitations. What a blessing to be a stay at home Mom, even on the VERY hard days!
The very reason I'm sure I'm not sending E to any school next year...one day or not.
You are very lucky to be home with your trio:)
wait. your e might be going to preschool next year? and my e is sleeping in a big girl bed??
dude i swear we were just sitting at some restaurant in (wait where were we?) sharing our secret news.
shaking my head in utter disbelief.
Ugh-- I am going to be there with you soon. When Alex started kindergarten this year even though I had Ryder at home still I could for the first time really see and really believe that I might just be lonely at home when they are all gone. I am sure I will volunteer in the classroom and find things to be busy but it will be so odd
Oh you, so many choices one after the other!
(I wouldn't be ready either!)
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